Anxious About My Un-Believing Spouse

There is an abundant wealth of information on the topic of anxiety, which I will not attempt to address here. However, I will cite an example from my clinical practice on how anxiety can present itself in committed Christians who are married.

“Anxiety is a state of heightened arousal, arising in response to a perceived or real threat”. Certificate in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Lesson 8 (2018), p. 25.

‘Anxiety Disorder predicated on fear. Fear activates the stress response, which can cause a number of physiological, psychological, and emotional changes in the body. These changes can produce some profound anxiety sensations and symptoms. Often it’s these sensations and symptoms that anxiety disorder sufferers react to with more fear.’

‘Although anxiety is experienced in the present, it is typically related to future events. It is the anticipation of a negative outcome that gives rise to powerful feelings of anxiety.’ Some Christians who marry unbelievers are often afraid that their spouse could go to hell; they have married the wrong person; their spouse could leave them and they could lose their children. In this state of hypervigilance they often presents a range of symptoms of anxiety.

Physiologically they experience their voice tone becoming very shaky and quietening significantly; they experience palpitations; thoughts racing in their heads; anger; and periods of tearfulness; their whole body shakes when extremely anxious.

Cognitively they experience highly critical thoughts that severely questions their faith and their commitment to their faith, and catastrophic thoughts about their future such as” I’ve ruined my life”; “people will look down on me”, “my future will be hard”. “I disobeyed God”, “He won’t forgive me”. “My wife/husband will go to hell.” “Other Christians won’t accept me because of what I have done”.

Behaviourally they engage in safety behaviours such as over-eating; drinking a little more than usual; sleeping late; they became socially avoidant reducing their time with fellow Christians for fear of them thinking there’re terrible Christians. They also procrastinate putting off exercising; habitually googling; reading materials about Christians marrying non- Christians; Church hopping; and contacting various clergy to speak with them about the spiritual consequence of marrying outside their faith.

Individuals in this situation can become “hypervigilant, constantly scanning the environment for signs of impending disaster, or personal harm”. (Beck & Emery 2005, p.31)

Emotionally they feel horrified; anxious with a sense of impending doom; scared; sad; overwhelmed; humiliated; hurt; rejected and guilty when experiencing high levels of anxiety.

In my practice I’ve experienced that anxiety in many clients’ are reduced when they are able to identify with resonating Scriptures.

Here are Scriptures that have helped clients assess their situation differently when feeling anxious. And also challenged their subjective views. Clients who are avid Bible readers, are also enlightened by Scriptures such as:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control (Timothy 1:7.AMP).

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 (ESV)

If you are feeling anxious. The Bible provides great wisdom and can shine light into your life. Regrettably pain, discomfort, tragedy, suffering and anxiety cannot be entirely eradicated from this world. However, faith can help you find peace.

Dasalem Luminous Silverstar Counselling Service (DLSCS)

Office Address: 107-109 The Grove, London E15 1HP

Email: dasalemsilverstar@yahoo.com

Tel: 07746 600053